I am a lazy piece of shit sometimes. If I look back at my failures I can assign one cause to almost all of them, and that’s my mental laziness.
I let the “I don’t want to” overcome my drive for success. I don’t want to be cold, I don’t want to wake up, I don’t want to take the pain anymore, I don’t want to look bad, I don’t want to what ever the fuck my excuse is. There have been a few times in my life when that voice has screamed in my head with everything it has got and I have overcome it. But not today my friend.
I know that it can be done. What I want is to make that repeatable at my will. Suffering and the voice urging me to quit are old friends of mine. I know that they’re lying to me to get me to take the comfortable route. I never want to be comfortable with where I am at, and I never want to be comfortable being average. I want my own personal greatness.
Just a few weeks ago, I had a 150 mile training ride to do. It was pouring rain and cold when I started. It continued on for six hours. More than a couple times, I started to talk myself out of staying the course and following my route. No one would know. I’ve been training hard and could use a recovery day… Blah blah bullshit, blah. I will also admit there were a couple times I stoppped. I stopped to be comfortable. Then I would remember, it can’t rain all of the time, all of this will end at some point, and if I want to be something great, I have to endure what brings me discomfort. If I want to be able to be proud of who and what I am, I have to embrace what makes me uncomfortable.
I have the American Trail Race coming up very soon. I’ve been training to make a race plan and have been making deals with myself. That is bullshit. I am going out there to learn about myself and see what I can do mentally and physically. I will sleep when I have to, not when I plan to. It will hurt. I will be sore and uncomfortable. That is fine. I just need to keep my damn head in the game. I want to dig a deep dark hole and be okay sitting in it until that storm passes.
As of right now, I can tell you that I am not where I want to be. I am not even close. If I ever get to where I want to be, it’s because I’m being lazy and settling for good enough. There is always more I can do, and I can always do better. I don’t want greatness, I want my own greatness. Mental laziness will only get in the way of that.
You want to know the good part of all this? Like I said, I can always do better. So can you.